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August...Lull me to Sleep

 

Goodness gracious sakes alive (as the great John Wooden use to say)What are we doing here...August?

First question, why weren't the Olympics scheduled for the two weeks right before the NFL Season started? Now we're stuck with three weeks of just baseball and pre-season NFL talk. Look, I love baseball, but all this talk about the second wildcard doesn't exactly make the hair on the back of my neck stand up. What can we do? Who really cares about the last roster spot on the Rams? It doesn't matter...it really really doesn't. And on a side note,  you know when your high school coach said, "We're only as strong as our weakest link"....he was full of sh%$...the Bulls  were as strong as Jordan and Pippen...they weren't as strong as Bill Winnington ...Ohh, and laughing during practice...it's a good thing. And as for a  coach that screams all the time...to quote Dimitri Martin, "Raising your voice, it's the second best thing to being right."

Moving on, after that much needed catharsis...what we need to get through this lull is personality...not you or me, but from our athletes. Remember how awesome guys like George Brett, Mark Grace, Will Clark, Jose Canseco, Tim "Rock" Raines, Bo Jackson and Wade Boggs were? Who do we have now? Derek Jeter...that guy's as exciting as a marathon of According to Jim. Who do we really care about...baseball players are boring as hell...where have you gone Brian Wilson?

We need a guy to do commercials with Bo Diddly and break a bat over his knee, run up the out field wall and tell us, Bo Knows! Canseco was a nut job, but at least he was colorful...Tim
"Rock" Raines...just Google why he has that nickname...George Brett and Wade Boggs..men's men!

What are we left with? The laugh out loud antics of the comic genius of Albert Pujols, Josh Hamilton and Miguel Cabrera?? Bryce Harper has to start hitting? Can he please? Or, is that a Clown Question, bro? Gimme something...a story and back flip...at least a good baseball movie...nothing?

Then, we're going to have to settle for wildcard talk and how some un-drafted rookie can really make his mark on special teams...there is not a way in any reality that I could possibly care less about either. How long till the Rams begin their inevitable march toward 5-11? When is the first wildcard round? The NLCS? The series? Well, they ain't in August. They all seem so far away in a distant future blocked by twelve hour days and way too much Law and Order Criminal Intent...I could read, and yes I do you sarcastic ass...and I do go outside...but I love sports, and I'm not going to apologize about complaining for this lull. Gimme something...gimme a story about an Eddie Jones or Shawn Kemp comeback...tell me that Kirk Gibson choked out one of his relievers after giving up a 3-run shot in the 8th...I need something...anything...please??

-Will Saulsbery
Will is a graduate of the University of Missouri and he currently resides in St. Louis, MO. Yoou can read more of his 
 

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